Thursday, February 20, 2014
Happy, free, confused and lonely...at the same time
Who know Taylor Swift was so darn insightful when she thought of this catchy tune? I sure didn't. Does that mean I don't blare the radio and sing/dance around like I'm oh, I don't know...22??? Hell.No. Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you can't believe its this late in the year, and yet at the very same time can't believe it's only this late in the year?? I think I go back and forth every other day with my half full, half empty spiel about the timing of 2014. There are so many moments I want to fast forward to and see how they happen but at the very same second I want to push the pause button on life and remember the exact way I feel at this moment. I can't imagine I am the only one feeling that way? Like, for instance, I don't have baby fever...like. At.all. and yet lately, any time I watch a short video clip of friends or families little ones doing something for the first time, or just being soft squishy and cute, I get literal tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat the size of Texas. Do I want more kids? Sure- if that's in God's plans for P and I, but for this moment in our life we are over joyed and to the brim with love and adoration for the children we have now. There are no dirty diapers to change, no spit up or bottles or late nights with no sleep. I miss it but am thankful to be free of it at the same time. Right now, life is relatively easy going and routine which is something that I strive for. Routine! My body functions better knowing where I'm going, what I'm doing and when it needs to be done. Having kids vs having small babies gives me that luxury right now. Every once in a while though, when I brush Moosey's hair I swear I can still smell the sweet scent of her brand new skin. And I just started crying. I must be in rare form today. Beyond babies, this year has so much excitement and the fear of falling/failing attached to it. Poo has graduated College as of the end of last year, and is now transitioning into his new career. Thus bringing with it a lot of what if's and a huge leap of faith to follow his dreams and do what he is truly passionate about. We are still so young, (comparatively) and have so much to learn. How do we know what is right for us, for our kids and for our future? We don't. We just have to trust that He does. Finding a home to call our own is proving to be one of the most time consuming projects of the yaer so far. There is so much pressure in finding something that is so perfect for us and mainly for our kids. Is the yard going to be big enough for Juans batting cage? Are the closets going to be deep enough for Mooseys dress-up clothes and toys? Are our neighbors going to be good, Godly people we can relate to? when it all starts to pile up I just take a step back and think- how lucky am I? How lucky am I that these minor details are what concern me? A big backyard, good neighbors, and deep closets? Not are we going to make our bills this month, or will our kids have money for food and clothes. How blessed are we that we have steered clear of any serious health issues in our family, or that we have such a large network of family that are here day in and day out to support Phil and I as parents and guide us along to do right by our children? How blessed are we? 2014 is going to a big, scary, busy year for the
soon to be Hares brood and we are terrified and ready. Huh? Yea, I don't know either. All I do know is we've decided to take each and every second and make it count, good or bad. Fail a test? That stinks,try harder and study more for the next one. Lost another 4 lbs since Valentines? Good job fatty, way to stay away from the junk food and eat like a normal human. Didn't get that perfect floral arrangement or the napkins you thought you "always wanted". Their things. And napkins?? That's not even real stuff. Get through the bad and appreciate the good. Make 2014 a year that you can look back on and smile. Not only for how you grew, but how you grieved, and how you changed and how you stayed the same. Life is ebb and flow. Up/down, and sometimes repetitive. Don't take anything for granted- stop wishing away every moment of the day and start embracing them as much as you can. We only get so much.
Wow, who knew a catch Taylor Swift song would lead to such a deep post? Not I! Happy Thursday blog-lovas!